The Comments That Alarmed Me: A Reckoning with Toxic Attitudes Towards Women

As someone who works with victims of domestic abuse, I have been reading the comments since this story first appeared in the British media, and I have been genuinely alarmed. I found myself thinking: These are men who live with wives and children. These are men who are trusted by their families. Yet this is how some of them think.

Let me say this clearly: there is absolutely nothing that justifies a man killing his wife and children. Nothing.

Whatever may or may not have happened in a relationship, murder is never an acceptable response.

Even if a man were to experience the greatest emotional betrayal imaginable—and I am not suggesting that happened in this case, only illustrating an extreme example—a mature man walks away. He leaves. He grieves. He rebuilds. He starts again.

That is strength.

What I have seen online is people inventing stories, spreading rumours, and looking for reasons to justify the unjustifiable. We do not know the full facts, and speculation only adds to the pain of grieving families. More importantly, no allegation, however serious, could ever justify the killing of another human being.

The comments also expose a much deeper problem. Too many boys are growing into men without being taught emotional regulation, accountability, or healthy ways to deal with rejection, conflict, and loss.

Violence is not strength.

Violence is what happens when someone has lost control of their emotions and believes brute force is the only answer. By the time someone resorts to assault or murder, they have already lost the battle within themselves.

The consequences are devastating.

Families are destroyed. Children lose their lives or their parents. Communities are traumatised. The perpetrator also destroys his own future. In this case, a career reportedly worth well over £100,000 a year has allegedly been thrown away, multiple lives have been lost, and the suspect now faces the most serious criminal allegations imaginable.

It is a tragic waste of life, talent, and potential.

This is why we must stop asking, “What did she do?” and start asking, “Why do some men believe violence is an acceptable response to emotional pain?”

That is the conversation our communities urgently need.

Real masculinity is not about domination or control. It is about self-control. It is about taking responsibility for your emotions, respecting the dignity of others, and knowing when to walk away.

If a relationship has broken down, leave.

If you are angry, seek help.

If you are overwhelmed, talk to someone.

If you feel rejected, rebuild your life.

But never believe that violence will restore your dignity. It never does. It only leaves behind broken families, lifelong trauma, and lives that can never be recovered.